I recently met a man two Sundays  ago at my job. I thought he was extremely handsome. I didn’t know if he found me attractive until he approached me at the front counter. He introduced himself, he complimented me and exchanged cell phone numbers. As you can imagine, I was pretty damn excited. We talked on the phone that night when I came home and he told me he wanted to see me. We agreed on ice-cream the following night. I went to bed with a smile on my face.

When we met for ice cream he was just as handsome as the night before. He too said I looked very pretty. We talked about our families, favorite foods and school. The conversation was slightly dry and the only thing I was engaged in were his facial features. Nice clear complexion, proportionate features, pleasant smile, some facial hair and pretty eyes.

I decided it was time to go home after an hour and a half of just talking. I was honestly getting bored. I couldn’t stare at his face any longer. He walked me to my car. We said our goodbye’s then he tried to kiss me!!!! Are you freaking kidding me? Get outta here with that crap! That was all I could think! I forced a laugh then put my hand on his face and pushed him back. You wanna kiss me?? The timing was so off! Ew, you don’t even know me! As handsome, tall and muscular as you are….not one ounce of me wanted you to kiss me! I didn’t even give a slight hint at it!

At that moment I realized how my outlook on dating and the opposite sex has truly matured. Like I mentioned earlier, the conversation was pretty dry, he talked to me and shared stories with me but none of that grabbed my attention nor did it make me want to know more. Yeah we went out for ice cream, yeah we found each other attractive but the attempt to kiss me? Come on now.

The assistant manager is pretty handsome. Actually, I see a few of the car guys in the garage that are a bit eye-catching. I noticed them looking at me through the window as I walked in.

This red leather chair is so comfortable. I could easily fall asleep right now especially since I didn’t get to take a nap today. The sitting area has suddenly filled with customers ranging in age from 18 to about 45 years old. They are all either looking at their phone, texting or reading a magazine provided by the shop.  What are they doing after this? What did they do before this? I wonder if they are happy, sad, excited, nervous….What are they feeling? A pregnant woman is singing softly to a country song that’s playing in the background. She has a pretty voice.

It has been an hour since I dropped off my car. Oh finally! I’m starving, time to go home and eat.

“Okay I don’t have class until 1,  no big deal, make this time productive,” I thought to myself. I scanned my mental daily to-do list:

• One page health psych paper
• go to cashier’s office
• go to police station front desk to finish the parking ticket process

I didn’t have to pay for the ticket because I simply forgot to hang my parking permit back up after taking it down one night. I used this time to complete my paper. After my 1 o’clock class, I started on my errands across campus from building 5 to the cashier’s office to the police station and  back to building 5 for class at 3. As I was running around campus taking care of business all hot and sweaty and tired, I caught myself complaining. I complained about how big the campus was, how hot it was outside, having to walk so much and how I wanted the day to be over already. I stopped myself immediately— WHY AM I COMPLAINING? Here I am complaining about minute tasks and hot weather!? I shifted my thoughts and thought about how extremely grateful I am for my ability to walk from building to building with no physical ailments. My ability to be outdoors and feel the warm sun on my skin. My ability to see and talk with people, hear cars and birds and music. The opportunity to be attending this college and how small the campus is to other Universities. I am so grateful for this busy Tuesday.

I was offered to work a 4 hour afternoon shift on my day OFF (today). Wednesday was my day off from school and work, so I already had my day planned. This morning was my brother’s 8th grade promotion, I was supposed to go to lunch with my family afterwards, get some homework done in the afternoon and go to the gym at night.

However, yesterday afternoon I received a text message from my boss asking if I could work an afternoon shift tomorrow. As soon as I got the text from my boss, I immediately responded with, “Yes, I’ll work that shift.” How and WHY did I make that decision?? Haha well, I usually- USUALLY like to think things through, consequences and all. But this decision was made off pure impulse. I thought- Ok, I’m free, and the extra cash won’t hurt either…it’s a win win situation! Right? I decided to go ahead and take on that shift on my day off.

This morning I woke up, got dressed for my brother’s graduation and prepared myself for a busy day. I actually woke up regretting that I had took that afternoon shift. I would be missing quality time and LUNCH with my family! After his graduation I had to go straight home, make my own lunch, and head off to work…sigh.

When I arrived at work today, I told myself, “It’s only 4 hours, it’s nothing.” i also noticed that it was very slow and that I could actually get things done! (I was assigned to work the front desk at the Rancho Cucamonga Resource Center) There was a computer. No tasks to complete. So i thought, “Yes! Blog time!” As Iwrite this blog here at work, I take back that regret I felt earlier because not only am I getting paid, but I’m also being productive!

I guess making impulsive decisions aren’t always that harmful. It is what you make it!

I came across the movie, Boys Don’t Cry, where Hilary Swank portrayed a man living in a woman’s body. This movie reminded me of the process of labeling and its affects on the lives and social interactions of the main characters from the movie and on people in real life. Throughout the movie, Brandon Teena (played by Hilary Swank) and other characters are labeled and perceived as certain kinds of people with prominent traits or types of personalities. Brandon Teena was deeply affected by the perceptions of the individuals who labeled her because the she saw these individuals as important people in her life. There are a number of instances that illustrate the labeling process and its impact on the characters who are labeled. The main example would be the fact that the main character, Brandon Teena, was born with female primary sex characteristics, but acts and looks like a heterosexual male, yet she does not identify herself as a lesbian, more as an actual boy. 

One example found in the movie explaining the labeling process and its repercussions is the scene when Brandon was driving John’s car on the highway late at night. The car was packed with the whole gang and they were drinking and smoking. There was another car full of people who were also driving on the same highway. Just for fun, John and everyone in the car Brandon was driving, all decide to try to race and catch up to the other car. At this point, Brandon feels in with the crowd. To them, Brandon is perceived as a man and they all know him as Brandon, not Teena. As Brandon was speeding, a cop signals him to pull over, but instead of doing so, John who is faded in the backseat orders Brandon to not slow down and speed up. Because Brandon wanted to prove that he is not a wimp and also gain their acceptance, he listened to John, sped up and led the cop on a long pursuit. By doing that, Brandon conformed to everyone else’s perception that he was this man who was ready for anything.

What a feeling of accomplishment this experience was! I felt like I could conquer the world after going through that  horrific agaony. I truly felt like I could do ANYthing as long as I put my mind to it. This second session took a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes. What was my main motivator throughout the whole second session?? The END RESULT. I knew that once this process was over, my body would be free from the tension and discomfort. Keeping the end result in mind kept me going this time WITHOUT one single break!! (as opposed to the first session, I remember taking no less than 3 breaks…and I know that’s a real inconvenience for the tatto artist)

This feeling of relief that comes with the end result is something I also use as a motivator in my daily life in regards to short term goals. When I have an assignment due, an appointment to make, an errand to run or a chore to take care of, I guess you can say that what motivates me to actually do it/get it done is that “end result.” The end result includes feelings of relief, accomplishment, pride, calmness, joy and success! Now who wouldn’t want that feeling? As for my tattoo, that’s exactly the feeling I was aiming for. And once I heard those words, “YOU’RE ALL DONE!” Ithrew my fists in the air because I was flooded with ALL of those feelings!

I recall using this defense mechanism frequently when I was in high school. Often times I would argue with my parents about anything and everything. I remember I would come home with homework assignments, not do them until later, and my parents would constantly yell at me! Being young and immature, I felt anger towards my parents for always yelling at me and giving me a hard time about doing my homework. All I wanted to do was give them more attitude, rebel, and NOT do what they told me. But I knew that doing so would lead to even harsher consequences, like being grounded or being assigned more household chores…and no one likes being grounded or more household chores!!!

Instead of talking back to my parents, I decided to displace my aggression onto my little brother. I feel terrible for him now looking back on what I put him through at the time! He was my verbal punching bag. I would bully him around, make him do things for me and eventually make him cry. I displaced my negative emotions on my little brother because at that time he posed no threat to me. He was younger, smaller and didn’t know any better.If I were to displace my aggression onto him NOW, oh boy, it would be a whole different story! He’s now 14, taller than me and just as strong, if not stronger than me!

This newsletter in a sense explained things that I already know I should be doing to take control of my stress. I continued to read on because it was a nice reminder, and sometimes I need reminders! Here are the 7 stress prescriptions:

1. Get enough sleep
2. Workout: exercise helps relieve the pressure building up inside you
3. Do one thing at a time
4. Calm down
5. Say “No”: set limits on time-stealers
6. Avoid Alcohol: it has the possibility to cause more stress
7. Share your feelings

All of these suggestions are probably very familiar to each and everyone of us. The ones I personally forget to do are: calm down and saying “No” to certain things. I am getting better at calming down and not freaking out when something stressful comes my way but saying “No” is something I definitely need to work on. I need to say “no” to people who aren’t worth my time, I need to say “no” to things like playing with my dog or going out when I shouldn’t be!

I found this amazing quote in the newsletter by Helen Keller: “We would never learn to be brave or patient if there were only joy in the world.”

Now when I saw this video my jaw dropped and I thought, “Oh heck no, no way, uh-uh!” I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. I think that these moves and outfits were definitely way too sexy for their age. Even Beyonce herself had more clothes on in her music video than these girls had on stage! These are the kind of outfits and dance moves high school dancers are often criticized for…now elementary school girls are being criticized for that? As I sit here and think of all the possible explanations…I really can’t think of any. Here are what parents of one of the dancers had to say about their dance performance.

The father just said, “they’re young….they don’t know what they’re doing…” Is that true? What do you think?

Val comes to me with all of her stories about Rich, especially when they are not on good terms. She has admitted that she is not vocal with him when there are conflicts in their relationship. She does not let him know whats on her mind when something is bothering her. She has told me that she internalizes things and allows it to eat her up inside, while Rich thinks there’s absolutely nothing wrong. He is an active man who loves the outdoors and working out. Val, on the other hand, is more of a homebody and does not enjoy physical activity as much as he does. Rich doesn’t understand why Val has a curfew and why her mother is so overbearing. Val doesn’t seem to mind that Rich is not understanding of her family situation.

Val wants to get married because she thinks he’s the one. From a psychology major’s point of view Val and Rich are opposites, and research shows that its similarities that keep couples together, not the differences each partner lacks. As her friend and confidante, I can’t tell her these things! I have told her in the past, “I really think you two should go to premarital counseling. I was told from a Marriage and Family Therapist that couples who attend premarital counseling have lower divorce rates!” I’m in no place to tell her who’s “the one” and who’s not because there are always exceptions to this opposite attract myth.